all good things

I got promoted today. I am now "Senior delivery driver". Can you believe it?? I have been promoted to a made-up position that gives me about as much power and authority as a rusty nail. I don’t get more money, I don’t get more respect, and I definitely don't get more women, but i do get a hell of a lot more responsibility. I basically do a managers job on a grunts salary AND I DON'T HAVE A HOARDE OF COMELY LASSES BANGING DOWN MY DOOR TO GET A PIECE OF ME!!! I am pissed off.

So how did i manage to acquire such an important position?? It was through the break down in the chain of command. Everyone knows that in any business there is a strict chain of command that means that if someone does something good then the person above them in the chain gets the credit, and if someone does something bad the person below them gets the blame. For example, in my company the chain of command goes:

1. Store Owners.
2. Managers.
3. Kitchen Hands.
4. Me.
5. The guy who picks up the garbage.
6. The dust bunny under the oven.

Now I was promoted because i am so incredibly quick at delivering pizzas. In any normal company that follows the chain of command it would go like this:

I would deliver the pizzas fast. Then the kitchen hands would get the credit for making the pizzas quickly so i can deliver them fast. Then the manager would get the credit for motivating the kitchen hands to make the pizzas quickly so i can deliver them fast. Then the store owners would get the credit for hiring the managers who motivated the kitchen hands to make the pizzas quickly so i can deliver them fast... in the house that Jack built.

See, no where in the chain of command should i be getting any sort of credit for a job well done. But no, the owners have ignored the rules, risking the very fabric of society and congratulated me by giving me more responsibilities. Idiots. I don't want responsibility, the last time anyone gave me any sort of responsibility, i stuffed up and now she wont talk to me. I am not a leader, i am a follower. If this was ancient Egypt and I was Hebrew do you think i would be leading a pack of slaves across the desert?? Hell no, leave that shit to Moses, I would be the guy at the back of the line complaining about sore feet and not being allowed to eat bacon. I am used to being overlooked and underappreciated, average is who i am. I don’t have a problem with it at all. Remember, without mediocrity there cannot be greatness. All good things must come to an end.... including all the being appreciated for my hard work.